Hope In You

Hope, or there lack of, seems to be a recurring theme within Evelyn's outlook on life. She has utterly given up on the idea of happiness, or more appropriately, peace for herself. Hope is an amazing gift that we have been given. It provides us with the strength to carry on. It's no small wonder that Evelyn has stopped "carrying on" so to speak.

 Hope is a choice,

Peace is a result.

Belief. Trust. Faith-

Words that mean nothing without action.

We can, of course, choose the opposite

And encounter the destruction of that choice.

Hope is a choice,

Peace is its result.

Worthy

I read in scripture once that "none are righteous, no not one". Then one day another scripture contradicted it by saying that we are "worthy of so much more". It really confused me, and made me question whether I was worthy enough to know Jesus or not. This reminds me of Evelyn's latest antics: "My eyes darted anywhere but at his, like I was not worthy to see his face" and her struggle to see, accept, and work through her past mistakes.

Find in me a contrite heart.

For a long time I was living in deceit, in the dark.

I was sneaking among the shadows.

Paranoia found its place in me.

My back was never far from sight.

But I could not hide even in the black of night.

It was like a spotlight fixated on me.

I stood out like daybreak.

There was to be no more hiding.

The truth is safer anyway.

We wait for her to realise that the spotlight is on her, and see how she may react. Because, after all, God has given us the amazing, yet terrifying gift of freedom of choice. We can choose to grow and move forward, or we can choose to stay in the grief of our past forever.

Slippery Slope

Excuses are a cowards way of pushing the blame onto something or someone else.

Because of my wounds
If I didn't do it, he said he'd...
But I'm not as bad as her 

Evelyn certainly sees her part in her actions- and the ugliness of the results. Her real issue, however is that her greater excuse lies in why chooses not change. 

She is stuck in the slippery slope of her transgressions. Evelyn honestly does not believe that she has the strength to say no, to choose another path, to fight the upward battle. Quite rightly, she doesn't. It's not something that a person can easily do alone, and yet she chooses to rely on herself, failing dismally. She believes she will keep failing, and it's the reason that she does.

The strength that would be required

To fight off that spider…

Its web is sticky and I am stuck.

But not for long.

It’s one of those things

That cannot be done alone.

But You can help me,

I just have to ask.

That’s half the struggle.