That's Deep

Evelyn is head smart but definitely not life smart. In a way, it's like she sees how to reconcile a situation, but is just too stubborn to. Her pride gets the better of her. And she wants nothing more than to wallow in her own self-pity.

Just as I am learning more about myself every day- more about who I am, who I was created to be, what I like to do, where my passions lie, and what I believe in, Evelyn is doing the same. Her person is emerging in a thicket of words that flow from my brain through to my fingertips. She has taken on a life of her own, and I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know her.

I'm getting a small sense of what it would be like to be God. It's rather exciting. And at the same time, enlightening- feeling a persons internal struggles and the actions they cause externally. As Evelyn has become victim to her own torture, it's helping me to see the ways that I have caused myself to suffer over the years. Refusing to remember things- that only pushes the pain deeper.

I have buried my past so thoroughly

That the memories are lost and forgotten.

I have come so far

I don’t even remember who I used to be.

Lost And Found

Last week I was lucky enough to spend three days straight on my book! It was probably the first time that I have ever been able to just go and go and go all day long. Boy was I on a roll and loving every minute of it. To my great dismay, however, on Thursday evening after work, I re-opened the document on my laptop to find that the previous days' work was not there! I didn't know what to do. I was gobsmacked and the reality of my work gone took a long time to sink in. When it did, it hit me hard. I just couldn't believe that it was gone and there was nothing I could do to get it back- other than to write it all over again.

Luckily I went to footy that night and it helped to clear my thoughts and get this great tragedy off my mind. I knew that if I didn't write it as soon as possible then the motivation would be gone and I would have really struggled to "piece the words together". So, when I returned home I was ready to sit down, suck it up, and do what needed to be done. It took just over four hours and it was well into the morning when I had finished, but that was just it- I had done it! What was lost from the memory of my computer was found by recollecting the general flow of where I had taken Evelyn. It wasn't the same, but that is okay, it didn't need to be. Perhaps you could even say that it is better now?

Most importantly, I've learnt my lesson- back up, back up, back up!!!

Thank goodness I didn't let despair get ahold of me as I did once upon a time:

There’s no point holding on anymore

It’s lost, forgotten, never to be found.

The result is as expected;

Disappointment rains down,

The silence rings out deafeningly.

There's more to this piece but perhaps I'll share it another time when I'm feeling a little braver :P

It's All In The Eyes

It took me an hour and a half of research and critical thinking, but eventually I managed to piece together the words that described beautifully my [currently] nameless character! It would have been too much to tell of his creaseless buttoned dress-shirt and pants, his sandy-brown hair that sparkled like the ocean when the suns' rays hit it, and his long thin fingers, that whilst they were harshly charcoal-stained black, they still appeared gentle. No, that would have been too much for such a seemingly perfect character. Because by definition of being perfect, there is a lot of unknown- because a person can only seem perfect, not be perfect.

So I satisfied myself with targeting his eyes. Eyes can tell a lot about a person- you can see pain in someone's eyes. You can see secrets in someone's eyes. A person can use their eyes to cause you to trust. And that is what he has done with his opulent emeralds: caused Evelyn to trust a complete stranger.

There’s something in your eyes

It gets me every time.

The sincerity, the care, the love

And it’s that word which creeps to my lips,

Daring to hang naked between us.

But before I get the chance,

You speak, your smooth voice making me melt,

And your words take my breath away.

It doesn’t matter how good a liar you are

The eyes will always give you away.

Well, eventually Evelyn will see it, anyway...