Who are you when no one is around?

Who are you?

A feather in the breeze?

Or a trees blown leaves?

Only time will show,

Only "destiny" will reveal,

Who you are when no one is around.

I expect little but you surprise me - 

When you thought no one was watching.

For I was watching and I caught you.

Not as I suspected, did I catch you, though.

You were strong like the breeze,

Not the leaves in the trees.

And I was pleasantly surprised

By the look in your eyes

When you turned and saw me watching.

Oh! There you go again

With the strength of a hen

Trying to defend your little ones.

My eyes delight in such truths be told,

For I grew cynical a long time ago

That such as you could still be found.

Is Evelyn as pleasantly surprised by the true character of Shaphan?

The journey ahead

I did it. I wrote those wretched words. I endured and now Evelyn prevails! What a relief to have ventured beyond the abyss. Now winters gloom hangs above her miserable head and a new journey awaits her. Oh the excitement of it all!

A journey that must be taken

I have a conundrum. Though I know where Evelyn is heading, I do not want to follow her. I do not want to be responsible for those words on the page- innocent words by themselves, but dangerous when pieced together. Yet I feel the call to follow. I feel it necessary for her to walk down this path, for the destination is righteous. It's the getting there that scares me.

Long ago, when this journey begun, I felt at peace with its direction, feeling that lessons hard learned are still lessons learned. That some people just have to learn the hard way. Evelyn was one of these people. Now that I've reached this stage, however, the practice of writing such things has stunted my progress.

I've tried to work my way around it, to come at it from a different angle, but no angle seems to fit. It's left me with three options: write a story that is untrue to Evelyn, abandon Evelyn completely and cease to write her story, or follow Evelyn down this path.

I feel compelled to continue. Oh forgive me!

May the ending be well worth all that Evelyn has to go through to get there.

Let go of the bird

Freedom. By setting someone else free, you are setting yourself free too. Holding onto a bird harbours a particular inwardness. Set your eyes out and up. Let them fly free and you will fly too- nay- you will soar!

Freedom. Someone wise once told me that you can find freedom in forgiveness. That it's like standing in a cage with the door open and all you have to do is walk out. It is then that you would be free of the burden of your own grudge.

Freedom. Rules give the appearance of restricting and imprisoning. Ever considered the joy of boundaries? Knowing where is wise and unwise to tread?

So why don't you let go of the bird, Evelyn? Walk out of the cage and be free to live under the shelter of wise choices.

Where it all began

This is where it all began. Where the beauty of the world invaded my mind and I fell into a trance of imagination. I was captivated by this arbour and everything just fell into place from there. 

I saw Evelyn sitting alone on the grass. I saw Shaphan spying on her. I saw an orchestra playing sweet tunes in the distance. And their world overtook mine. About a week went by and Evelyn had become a part of me.

All of the key plot points where decided here. Even the ending. It was just a matter of putting fingers to keyboard and bringing it to life.

The rabbit hole

The slope is slippery

I slide uncontrollably

My heels won't catch

Down. Down. Down I go.

What began as a joyride

Has turned into mud, blood,

And an unknown sound ringing in my ear.

The crevasse appears bottomless.

When the fear kicked in and I tried to go back

A voice laughed maliciously in my mind,

"Silly girl. Silly girl."

It taunted that I was theirs for the taking.

The voice applauded at their own cunning,

But I refused to give credit,

For as I travelled deeper I began to realise:

I lost control the moment I slipped.

Hibernation

You know those times in your life where you look around yourself and realise that you are not where you are meant to be? That you had planned on being elsewhere, but slowly, surely you sunk into a rut without even realising it. Like putting a frog in cold water and slowly bringing it to boil, your dreams die a painful death because you weren't diligent enough, weren't smart enough, weren't experienced enough. Your age let you down. The worst part about it, is that you have been in this place for a while but you didn't realise it until now. You've grown use to the place. It's comfortable. It's a place I like to call "hibernation."

Evelyn has fallen into the slumber of winter and is not about to wake up any time soon.

A well-fashioned routine and

The habits of old,

I look around with my eyes closed.

My ears fall deaf to the wind.

I am more awake when I'm asleep.

More asleep when I'm awake.

I am hibernation.