Where it all began

This is where it all began. Where the beauty of the world invaded my mind and I fell into a trance of imagination. I was captivated by this arbour and everything just fell into place from there. 

I saw Evelyn sitting alone on the grass. I saw Shaphan spying on her. I saw an orchestra playing sweet tunes in the distance. And their world overtook mine. About a week went by and Evelyn had become a part of me.

All of the key plot points where decided here. Even the ending. It was just a matter of putting fingers to keyboard and bringing it to life.

The rabbit hole

The slope is slippery

I slide uncontrollably

My heels won't catch

Down. Down. Down I go.

What began as a joyride

Has turned into mud, blood,

And an unknown sound ringing in my ear.

The crevasse appears bottomless.

When the fear kicked in and I tried to go back

A voice laughed maliciously in my mind,

"Silly girl. Silly girl."

It taunted that I was theirs for the taking.

The voice applauded at their own cunning,

But I refused to give credit,

For as I travelled deeper I began to realise:

I lost control the moment I slipped.

Hibernation

You know those times in your life where you look around yourself and realise that you are not where you are meant to be? That you had planned on being elsewhere, but slowly, surely you sunk into a rut without even realising it. Like putting a frog in cold water and slowly bringing it to boil, your dreams die a painful death because you weren't diligent enough, weren't smart enough, weren't experienced enough. Your age let you down. The worst part about it, is that you have been in this place for a while but you didn't realise it until now. You've grown use to the place. It's comfortable. It's a place I like to call "hibernation."

Evelyn has fallen into the slumber of winter and is not about to wake up any time soon.

A well-fashioned routine and

The habits of old,

I look around with my eyes closed.

My ears fall deaf to the wind.

I am more awake when I'm asleep.

More asleep when I'm awake.

I am hibernation.

I felt Autumn

I felt autumn the other day. It came quite unexpectedly: between the shadow of a tree and a soft, cool breeze. Up until now it's either been rain or scorching sun. This breeze reminded me of something, the way a smell often does. I think I felt Seasons. Like a long lost friend it all flooded back to me - the story, the characters, the world - and I've been bursting ever since to get back to my office.

Now as I sit here, that peace has returned. I didn't notice its absence through the busyness of life and its fast-paced changes. But now that I am here, I remember that deep longing; that my story world could become more alive than just in my head, that I could immerse myself in it until it became like breathing.

Evelyn- I'd almost forgotten her name. I'd almost forgotten her journey and her importance. I'd almost forgotten why I dreamed her into existence in the first place.

I look forward to the day when you get to discover why I dreamed her into existence. Consider this my resuming my role as author to her life- her breathing.

Fail

Alas! I have failed to reach my target. Yet another year has passed and Seasons remains incomplete. It seems quite appropriate, however, that I should fall short again as it mirrors Evelyn's attempt at living life better. Again and again she tries, yet something always seems to get in the way of her triumph. I suppose this highlights the fact that every morning when we wake up, we start again. We have a clean slate, a clear playing field, a choice to make. Unfortunately for Evelyn, the choice just always seems too hard to make, or rather I should say, the good choice.

Left or right, I always choose backwards.

The furniture doesn't seem to care

And neither do the synapses.

Though my heart does rattle,
Deep, like the booming of a drum
And I begin to wonder of myself.

The thoughts they bring anxiety,

Which quickly turn to dry lungs.

But then it all passes like a snow flake,

Safely I settle to the ground.

My mind finds peace,

Ready to make the same mistake twice.

Heaven poking through

Amidst the hustle and bustle of shoppers, frantic to grab a good bargain, a store laden with beautiful things waits patiently, warm arms open wide. I take delight in the rustic creations of its shelves and inwardly croon and swoon at the serenity created by a piece of soothing music.  I feel peace. And I see Heaven poking through.


Joy reaches his eyes as he relives his childhood. And I see Heaven poking through.


Though her eyes are filled with tears, she smiles with acceptance and carries on. And I see Heaven poking through.


Ahead is a mixture of orange, pink and purple as the sun sets behind with striking gold and yellow. It lights the eight o'clock sky. And I see Heaven poking through.


She smothers me with motherly hugs and kisses. Her love knows no bounds. It reaches the depths of my heart. And I see Heaven poking through.


Evelyn looks into the thickness of Winter; a blur of pine trees and snow disappearing into the misty distance. And she sees Heaven poking through.

Slumber

Something definite about winter is that it has this particular darkness about it. What with the fog and grey enriching the green of the land it may appear beautiful and mysterious, but the reality is quite opposing. Bad choices are made in the darkness of winter. Irrationality is taken on in an attempt to find familiarity, warmth, love. And lust prevails.

Oh! Into this slumber I have fallen.

Against my greater will I have behaved.

Oh! Winter you have tricked me

And set me in this slumber.

Oh Spring come! Awaken my better judgement.

Or if you be delayed,

A freak of nature would be okay.

Oh! Freak of nature wake me from this sleep!