Autumn Mood Swings

We begin the journey that lays before Evelyn in autumn:

The days grew shorter, the night cooler, breeze past more frequently, and the plants began to change.

It starts out delightfully- taking off the edge of the heat from summer, and the days become pleasant. It is a pretty season, yet it holds such dread for the winter to come. With the changing days comes changing emotions. Both Evelyn and Shaphan experience wild mood swings, unaware of the effect the weather is having on them.

Oh I love thee dear flower

May your petals never fade.

Oh I love thee dear shower

May your droplets ever aid.

Oh I hate thee sun bright

Won't you ever go away?

Oh I hate thee black night

Won't your darkness turn to day?

Oh I love thee dear trees

May you never fall apart.

Oh I love thee dear breeze

May your wind cool my heart.

Summer

The last day of summer has come to a close in Evelyn's world, her eyelids imprinted with the sparkling night time sky. She leaves behind her a season that couldn't leave fast enough. Let us breath a sigh of relief on her behalf.

You bring me discomfort by your humidity

And burn by your ray

Oh Summer why do you forsake me?

Bring me rest, I beg, for just one day.

No, Summer will make you wait.

It will go 'til its done.

It knows about Autumn 

That it's not so far

And refuses to give up on its fun.

We yearn for you Autumn

to take away the sting.

May you come early this year-

Your cool breeze and shorter days...

Give Summer the fling.

Mistakes

Do you think people like making mistakes? Like to struggle? Like to experience pain and suffering? We certainly make things hard for ourselves, but then learn our most during these times. And for what we do not learn from, we usually experience again in some form or another.

How many times do we have to do something to do it right, to make a good choice, to act with good consciouses? Evelyn still doesn't get it. She fails to gather the strength to say no. Or really, she fails to rely on God for the strength to say no. There remains no option but this:

No regrets, no regrets.

I rejoice in new beginnings

And second chances, or third…

Forgiveness has become my new best friend.

But how to repair my broken past?

Not Your Ordinary Flower

The wonderful thing about writing is that you do not have to follow the laws of this world: you can create whatever you like in whatever way you like. A flower does not have to be like what you or I would call a flower. "Yes" could mean "no" if you so wish it. There could be no such thing as gravity. Heck, man could have never thought to slice bread! It's exciting having the opportunity to create things the way I would have them created: new, fresh, never thought of before! I mean, what's to say that this bottle brush I saw at Mt. Warning doesn't retract its flowers when the weather goes sour? Certainly invites for some interesting literature!

Unraveling The Tangle

Every step of Evelyn's journey is outwardly expressing the internal journey she is on. It makes sense that she has found herself immersed by mother nature, being taken deep into a forest that she didn't know existed. Just like the beautiful mess of her heart, the branches and vines are tangled beneath a thick canopy blocking out the light. Just like the pain of her past, the trees stand tall, deeply rooted in the ground. Just like the smell of the oxygen-thick air, it is all too fresh in her mind. She does not realise that by every step she takes she is subconsciously agreeing to clear out the forest-like mess until her heart can be seen bright as day once more. But the real healing comes when we start to ask questions.

How can I be living in darkness,

When the light is all around me?

Like feeling alone

In a room full of people.

Is that all it is-

A feeling... thoughts in my head?

Do I really have the power to change that?

Do I have the courage to choose to?

Can I?

Should I?

Will I?

What's In A Name?

I think names are very important. Especially in fiction. They encapsulate in a word so much about a person. It is for this reason that I have struggled so much in deciding a name for our deuteragonist. I gave him the name David for its popularity, but have come to realise that his character requires something far more aberrant and peculiar. Not only does the name need to appear in this way, but the meaning behind the name needs to fit who he is and what he stands for.

I'm currently using Shaphan (Shay-fen) and seeing how I like it. Javan only lasted a day, and Elah is to come next should Shaphan not work out. I'm just not entirely satisfied. None of them really jump out at me and scream "Perfect!" Not that a name has the capacity to do that, but one can only hope...

Evelyn, however, would scream "Perfect!" if it could. It's an oxymoron for our protagonists current existence. It means "life, living, lively", but really she is a living death by her inequity. The hope is that by being made for life, she will find it- in the sense of being truly alive and free.

What's in a name?

Oh a rose, a rose.

Who is to blame?

The creator I spose.

Or perhaps the creator is not to blame,

For the suffering caused by the name?

But does it really matter who knows

The blame of the name, a rose, a rose?

Backstory

It is strange (and feels wasteful) to write a backstory to the story, with full knowledge that no one else will ever read it. But it is integral to the success of "getting the characters right". Even little things like a conversation that Evelyn doesn't hear directly but is given a recount of from one persons point of view. Because it would be too easy to just write a book. But to write a really good book without holes and that is believable... well, these things take time. So much time, in fact, that I was dreaming when I first had the goal of finishing before the end of high school. Several years down the track and I'm still going, but I'm not complaining, I'm loving having a backstage pass to Evelyn's world.

Now, whilst sin is sin, for a person to act in spite of God has got to be worse, right? Evelyn in her recklessness and lack of care for herself has quite knowingly gone against everything she believes in, hiding her face from the only One that can wash it clean. Now she suffers the consequences as the thicket of her darkness weighs down heavily on her heart. 

Lord, You are my King.

Ashamed am I in Your sight.

You see everything,

And I fear my life is not right.

I've been trying desperately to hide,

Running rather than colliding.

I'd much rather pretend it weren't bona-fide.

For fear of pain residing.