Unraveling The Tangle

Every step of Evelyn's journey is outwardly expressing the internal journey she is on. It makes sense that she has found herself immersed by mother nature, being taken deep into a forest that she didn't know existed. Just like the beautiful mess of her heart, the branches and vines are tangled beneath a thick canopy blocking out the light. Just like the pain of her past, the trees stand tall, deeply rooted in the ground. Just like the smell of the oxygen-thick air, it is all too fresh in her mind. She does not realise that by every step she takes she is subconsciously agreeing to clear out the forest-like mess until her heart can be seen bright as day once more. But the real healing comes when we start to ask questions.

How can I be living in darkness,

When the light is all around me?

Like feeling alone

In a room full of people.

Is that all it is-

A feeling... thoughts in my head?

Do I really have the power to change that?

Do I have the courage to choose to?

Can I?

Should I?

Will I?

What's In A Name?

I think names are very important. Especially in fiction. They encapsulate in a word so much about a person. It is for this reason that I have struggled so much in deciding a name for our deuteragonist. I gave him the name David for its popularity, but have come to realise that his character requires something far more aberrant and peculiar. Not only does the name need to appear in this way, but the meaning behind the name needs to fit who he is and what he stands for.

I'm currently using Shaphan (Shay-fen) and seeing how I like it. Javan only lasted a day, and Elah is to come next should Shaphan not work out. I'm just not entirely satisfied. None of them really jump out at me and scream "Perfect!" Not that a name has the capacity to do that, but one can only hope...

Evelyn, however, would scream "Perfect!" if it could. It's an oxymoron for our protagonists current existence. It means "life, living, lively", but really she is a living death by her inequity. The hope is that by being made for life, she will find it- in the sense of being truly alive and free.

What's in a name?

Oh a rose, a rose.

Who is to blame?

The creator I spose.

Or perhaps the creator is not to blame,

For the suffering caused by the name?

But does it really matter who knows

The blame of the name, a rose, a rose?

Backstory

It is strange (and feels wasteful) to write a backstory to the story, with full knowledge that no one else will ever read it. But it is integral to the success of "getting the characters right". Even little things like a conversation that Evelyn doesn't hear directly but is given a recount of from one persons point of view. Because it would be too easy to just write a book. But to write a really good book without holes and that is believable... well, these things take time. So much time, in fact, that I was dreaming when I first had the goal of finishing before the end of high school. Several years down the track and I'm still going, but I'm not complaining, I'm loving having a backstage pass to Evelyn's world.

Now, whilst sin is sin, for a person to act in spite of God has got to be worse, right? Evelyn in her recklessness and lack of care for herself has quite knowingly gone against everything she believes in, hiding her face from the only One that can wash it clean. Now she suffers the consequences as the thicket of her darkness weighs down heavily on her heart. 

Lord, You are my King.

Ashamed am I in Your sight.

You see everything,

And I fear my life is not right.

I've been trying desperately to hide,

Running rather than colliding.

I'd much rather pretend it weren't bona-fide.

For fear of pain residing.