I felt Autumn

I felt autumn the other day. It came quite unexpectedly: between the shadow of a tree and a soft, cool breeze. Up until now it's either been rain or scorching sun. This breeze reminded me of something, the way a smell often does. I think I felt Seasons. Like a long lost friend it all flooded back to me - the story, the characters, the world - and I've been bursting ever since to get back to my office.

Now as I sit here, that peace has returned. I didn't notice its absence through the busyness of life and its fast-paced changes. But now that I am here, I remember that deep longing; that my story world could become more alive than just in my head, that I could immerse myself in it until it became like breathing.

Evelyn- I'd almost forgotten her name. I'd almost forgotten her journey and her importance. I'd almost forgotten why I dreamed her into existence in the first place.

I look forward to the day when you get to discover why I dreamed her into existence. Consider this my resuming my role as author to her life- her breathing.

Fail

Alas! I have failed to reach my target. Yet another year has passed and Seasons remains incomplete. It seems quite appropriate, however, that I should fall short again as it mirrors Evelyn's attempt at living life better. Again and again she tries, yet something always seems to get in the way of her triumph. I suppose this highlights the fact that every morning when we wake up, we start again. We have a clean slate, a clear playing field, a choice to make. Unfortunately for Evelyn, the choice just always seems too hard to make, or rather I should say, the good choice.

Left or right, I always choose backwards.

The furniture doesn't seem to care

And neither do the synapses.

Though my heart does rattle,
Deep, like the booming of a drum
And I begin to wonder of myself.

The thoughts they bring anxiety,

Which quickly turn to dry lungs.

But then it all passes like a snow flake,

Safely I settle to the ground.

My mind finds peace,

Ready to make the same mistake twice.

Heaven poking through

Amidst the hustle and bustle of shoppers, frantic to grab a good bargain, a store laden with beautiful things waits patiently, warm arms open wide. I take delight in the rustic creations of its shelves and inwardly croon and swoon at the serenity created by a piece of soothing music.  I feel peace. And I see Heaven poking through.


Joy reaches his eyes as he relives his childhood. And I see Heaven poking through.


Though her eyes are filled with tears, she smiles with acceptance and carries on. And I see Heaven poking through.


Ahead is a mixture of orange, pink and purple as the sun sets behind with striking gold and yellow. It lights the eight o'clock sky. And I see Heaven poking through.


She smothers me with motherly hugs and kisses. Her love knows no bounds. It reaches the depths of my heart. And I see Heaven poking through.


Evelyn looks into the thickness of Winter; a blur of pine trees and snow disappearing into the misty distance. And she sees Heaven poking through.

Slumber

Something definite about winter is that it has this particular darkness about it. What with the fog and grey enriching the green of the land it may appear beautiful and mysterious, but the reality is quite opposing. Bad choices are made in the darkness of winter. Irrationality is taken on in an attempt to find familiarity, warmth, love. And lust prevails.

Oh! Into this slumber I have fallen.

Against my greater will I have behaved.

Oh! Winter you have tricked me

And set me in this slumber.

Oh Spring come! Awaken my better judgement.

Or if you be delayed,

A freak of nature would be okay.

Oh! Freak of nature wake me from this sleep!

Instead I do what I hate

A thicket of cloud has settled over the land, matching the mood of our heroine. Yet something changes in Evelyn and she acts impulsively. She feels a stranger to her own body. "I do not understand what I do;  for I do not do what I would like to do, but instead I do what I hate" (Romans 7:15).

My left hand brandishes a knife

Whilst my right arm cradles the weak.

My left hand throws a punch

Whilst my right arm settles to sleep.

My left hand creates a barrier

Whilst my right arm invites a guest.

My left hand causes chaos

Whilst my right arm cleans up the mess. 

My left hand slaps my sister

Whilst my right arm holds my brother.

My left hand hates my father

Whilst my right arm loves my mother.

Darkness

Okay, I think it's high time for another teaser. I hope this snippet whets your appetite for some blogging to come about winter:

The nights drew long and bitter. The wind continued to whip at the windows so that they rattled long and hard, day in, day out. The skies knew nothing but grey, and a chill had settled over the land that denied any relief. 

Yes indeed, the cold, dark winter has settled itself over Evelyn. There will be no escaping.

Cold.

Dark.

Nothingness.

I find myself wondering if it will ever end.

The winter takes its stronghold.

Sigh

Sigh. For the busyness of life! I would love nothing more than to have something to blog about... but I suppose when you blog about writing and you haven't done any writing for almost a month, it leaves little to say. Sigh face.